you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
