Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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