Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
