Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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