Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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