my vag is so smooth its legendary
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
