sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
