I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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