I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.