can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
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