Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
