Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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