A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
oh god the rape fog is back!
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
