It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
