I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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