My underwear smells like fireworks.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
