I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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