Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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