My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
