I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
