in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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