doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
