Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
