Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
