His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
