finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
