I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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