We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
