How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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