dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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