that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
