i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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