wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
