I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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