She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
