And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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