I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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