her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
