Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just puked most of my soul out..
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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