I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
