Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
