I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We have started to decorate penises.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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