sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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