Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
