Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
