My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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