I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
