woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
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they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
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I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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