I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
