I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
