How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
