so that wasnt chicken after all
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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