i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
