Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
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hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
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I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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