so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
