Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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